That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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