meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
