Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
