Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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