All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
