I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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