he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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