you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
