A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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