Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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