worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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