my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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