The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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