I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
