the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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