Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
