she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This is the high leading the old right now
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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