i always forget guys have bellybuttons
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
