For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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