Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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