you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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