i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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