is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
