I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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