just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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