I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
People in love make me want to vomit
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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