I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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