evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
