did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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