I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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