I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
