dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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