Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize