i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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