remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
