The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
