OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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