I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
