piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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