Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
