thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
