Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize