Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My vagina is officially offended.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
