Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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