He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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