Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
