I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i think im in europe. pls send help
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
