just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
