That's intense
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize