that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
