Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
