hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
