I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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