Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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