i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
