I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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