y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
