So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
