dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
