mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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