you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
