She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize