Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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