there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
