i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
