Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
