pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
