Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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