Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
