I'm gonna have a badass scar
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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