I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
